Massage can be a great way to bond with your partner and to initiate touch. It can also be a great way to alleviate the stress from the day and get you both in the mood for more intimacy later on. Here are my top 10 tips for the perfect at home massage!
Set The Mood
Creating an ambiance of peace and tranquility will help to relax both your partner and yourself. Dim the lights. You can even just use some pillar candles for light. Candles can also help to introduce relaxing or sensual fragrances into the massage space as well as warmth so that your partner isn't shivering and tensing up. You can also use incense or an aromatherapy diffuser to introduce relaxing or libido boosting scents. Playing music can also set the stage for either a relaxing or sensual massage.
Get Comfortable
Make sure to place your partner somewhere that you will both be comfortable. It's always good to place a pillow under their hips if you have them laying on their stomach so as to prevent added pressure to their lower back. Use of a massage pillow or some other form of head support can help to keep their spine in alignment and prevent their neck from stiffening up. If you have them seated, make sure that you can access their back easily and in a way that you're not stretching or contorting your body to touch them. You want to make sure you're applying even pressure and that you're not hurting yourself in the process of helping them!
Clothes Off
Hear me out on this one. Obviously, the person receiving the massage should have, at the minimum, their shirt off. But taking it a step further if you're using massage as foreplay can be a tempting and fun way to build excitement. Wear your favorite lingerie or something you know your partner loves. Allow them to see you in it and enjoy the thought of you. If you're feeling extra adventurous, you can take all clothes off (though I don't know how long the massage will last if you do this. *wink).
Use a Massage Lotion or Oil
This is crucial. When you use a lubricant like oil or lotion, it makes it much more enjoyable for your partner. It helps to reduce friction and allow you to glide your hands or arms over their body with ease. For a calming massage, try to pick a lotion with calming essential oils like HeLi Lavender and Chamomile massage lotion. For pain relief, something like this CBD infused massage melt would be wonderful. Finally, for a foreplay massage, try out the HeLi massage oil infused with Hello, Libido to increase desire and arousal.
Utilize Heat
Introducing heat into your massage is a wonderful added layer of stimulation and relaxation. Heat is a great way to help your partner to relax as well as break up some painful knots in their muscles. Using hot stones or a warming massage heart on problem spots helps to soften the tissue, making it easier for you to go in after and massage the knot away.
Use Your Entire Arm
One thing I struggle with a lot when I give massages to my husband is that my hands get tired SO FAST. Seriously, like 5 minutes in and my hands are screaming. I'm also mildly arthritic because I'm an artist so I use my hands a lot. But, my husband likes a lot of pressure and deep tissue massages. So I recruit other parts of my arm to help me out. Using the heel of your palm or the side of your hand can be a great way to give your fingers a rest. You can also use your elbow for applying direct pressure to knots to break them up. Make sure you communicate with your partner about how much pressure they enjoy as using your elbow can be a lot sometimes.
Slow Down
It's not a race! Sometimes, we tend to rush through a massage to get to the fun at the end. But slow it way down. This helps to build excitement even more and can make the main event that much more enjoyable when you've prolonged the foreplay for as long as possible. It also helps you to really relax your partner and work through any stress or knots that they have in their body. A great way to break up a knot is to actually stop and apply direct pressure to the knot for 30 seconds and then massage it away. So take it slow and be patient.
Talk to Your Partner
You always want to communicate with your partner in all things. Ask them if you're applying too much or too little pressure. Ask them if there's a specific spot or area that they really want you to massage. If you feel them tense up, make sure to check in with them if that hurt or if you surprised them. And if you're moving to a spot you know is ticklish for them or that may be sensitive, give them a little warning first. A massage should always be a relaxing experience and you want your partner to trust you and feel comfortable in your hands.
Invest in a Personal Massager
This is definitely not something I had ever considered when giving my husband massages, but it is a game changer! Using a massager (like this one) can add a whole new layer to the massage experience for you and your partner. Vibration is a powerful tool to break up any knots in their muscles as well as further helping them to relax by increasing blood flow all over their body. And if it leads to some erogenous zones, then all the better!
Come From a Place of Love
This was a struggle for me for a long time. I am usually on the giving end of massages, but it's for good reason. My husband works hard for our family. He does backbreaking labor for 10 hours a day, 6, sometimes 7, days a week and he is beat when he gets home. One of the best forms of foreplay for us is for me to give him a massage. It helps him to relax and it helps to alleviate the pain he is in from working so hard and it makes him feel loved and cared about and that puts him in the mood for intercourse. But I was bitter about it for a long time. I was upset that I wasn't receiving near as many massages as he was and it felt like a chore for me. Let me tell you, your partner knows when you do something begrudgingly. And it creates a weird energy and can be a turn off. So I decided to change the way I thought about massages. I decided, instead, to come from a place of love rather than a place of ego. My husband hurts after work. He hurts BAD. But he goes out every day and works hard for us. And then he still comes home and helps with dinner and plays with our son when he is in visible pain. So I focus on helping him. I try to radiate as much love as I possibly can while I massage him. I focus on how he is more relaxed every time I run my hands over his muscles. I focus on how much he gives for us to live comfortably and for how selfless he always is. I focus on healing him. And it makes a HUGE difference. My technique is better, he feels more relaxed, and he is more excited to "pay me back" afterward. So whatever you do in service to your partner, do it out of love, not out of obligation.
I hope these tips help to up your massage game with your partner! Let me know in the comments which ones you were already using and which tips you're excited to give a try!
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